Catch-22 Trucking

“Thanks for calling Catch 22 Trucking. How can we help you?”

“Um…ah…well…I have a load of cereal that I need to move from Battle Creek, down to
Jacksonville, Florida”.

“Okay, we can do that for you.”

“Well, I need to get it there Thursday and…”

“Oh…sorry, we can’t tell you when we will get it there.”

“What do you mean you can’t tell me when you will get it there?”

“That’s the catch…we don’t tell our customers when their shipments arrive. We also don’t give you any updates along the way.”

“What do you mean you can’t tell me? Don’t you have some sort of GPS or a way that the drivers can tell you where they are?”

“Nope, at Catch-22 we are trying to cut down our costs so we can pass the savings along to our customers. We haven’t invested in a truck tracking system like GPS or phones. We feel that tracking and on-time delivery is highly overrated. We also don’t want our drivers to be distracted by interruptions from our Dispatchers.”

“Well,  how will I know where my load is? When it gets there?”

“You don’t. That’s what’s unique about Catch-22 trucking. We do it all for you…you just have to trust us.”

“So I will have to phone my customer and ask if he got the cereal.”

“You can…but he will know when it gets there. And if he is bothered by it, I am sure he will phone you.”

“This is nuts. Not sure how I use you guys when my boss is always on my back making sure that I know where all my cereal shipments are going. We supply some of the biggest grocery chains across America. It’s not like I can say…’well I gave it all to Catch-22 trucking and they are the only ones who know where it is and when it will arrive’. It’s like I am going to be caught in some sort of infinite Froot Loop. What kind of business is this anyways?”

“Well, everyone needs to differentiate their products and services. Our boss started the business in the late 60s right after Woodstock. He liked Joseph Heller’s novel and the Catch-22 movie in the early 70s and finally changed the named from Free Love Logistics to Catch-22. Basically he built a business around the Catch-22 concept and cultivated quite a following.”

“You actually have customers?”

“Yes, some of them are in the back yard meditating with our Dispatchers as we speak.”

“Really? Your customers meditate with your Dispatchers?”

“Yes, we get our customers to visualize the shipment flow. We get them to see the truck arrive at the dock, the trailer getting loaded, the truck leaving the yard. Heading out on that big ole open road, nobody in front of you, no congestion, just clear, clear, clear road ahead…ohm, ohm, ohm…”

“um…um…um. Well I can tell you we need a much more practical service than what you provide.”

“I really think you are underestimating the power of what we offer though. We offer you the opportunity to just ‘let go’. We give you the chance to come to work each day and leave in serenity. Not getting upset or all flustered about when this or that truck, when it’s departing, where it is, and when it’s arriving. Man, like you will have thousands of shipments this year and have to worry and bother about all of them. This is all tearing at your heart, roiling in your soul. None of our customers worry about that anymore. They just phone us and say one thing, ‘pick up’.”

“But it’s not just me. My customers need to know. They need to know when that truckload of cereal is going to arrive on their dock. They need to know when they can move it into their warehouse and onto their own trucks, into the grocery stores, onto the shelves and into the shopping carts of mothers across this nation. Without us…well, the youth of our nation will suffer.”

“Wow, somebody is spending too much time drinking the Kool-Aid of some Vision/Mission consultant haven’t they?  But dude, you just have to let go. Do you think it’s all worth it? Worth it just so some hyper-active, snotty-nosed kid can wolf down 30 spoonfuls of Cocoa-Puffs at breakfast before he goes off to school to torment some over-taxed, under-resourced first year teacher hoping for a date to get away from all that misery? Dude, we even have some of our customers’ customers on site with us. How about this, I can send over our Yoga-Pilates schedule to you and your customers in Jacksonville. You can go to your local Lulu Lemon, pick up some gear and book your spot in one of our upcoming meditation sessions.”

“Hmm…okay…okay…okay. But against my better judgment I am going to try you guys…but only once. If you guys screw this up then…then…”

“Then you will learn to exhale, take a deep breath…and ‘let it go’…’let it go’…ohm…ohm.”

“Ah…okay …okay…here it is, I guess I say ‘Pick up’?”

“We are floating one of our trucks over to you now…Say Magically Delicious…ohm…ohm…”

“Magically Delicious…ohm…ohm…”


Leave a Reply