Oh, man. If that stupid ‘Rolling Tone’ alarm tune goes off again on my Samsung S6…ahhh.
Who would call an alarm song a ‘Rolling Tone’ anyways?
Sort of sounds like Mick and the boys decided to call themselves the ‘Rolling Tones’ – used a defibrillator on ‘Keef’ in order to sing ‘Start Me Up.’ Maybe they got together with Perry Como and Mel Torme to tour retirement residences across America. Probably had George Costanza’s favorite group, The Ray Coniff Singers, as their opening act.
Do I have to go into work again today? I hate this Dispatching gig. The damn owner is yelling at me all the time. Can’t find any drivers when you need them. Trucks are always breaking down. Customers are asking when their load is going to arrive – like I would really know. And Harold, the accountant, is always chasing me down about some load from 3 months back and complaining that the receipt has mustard stains on it from some driver’s hotdog mishap.
Hmm, I got this new trucking software though. I can access all the information on my computer because apparently it’s in the Cloud, wherever that means. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to lie down in my backyard and watch the clouds go by…and maybe see if I can see any of my data in them.
Gotta check Google Play and see if they have an App. After all, the trucking software I use can do a lot for me. Maybe they don’t need me in the office at all if I find a good app? Hmm.
Let me see…
Hey, this looks good – ‘Avatar Dispatcher’
“No need to go into work and Dispatch your trucks. Stay at home and do it from the comfort of your own bedroom. Sit in bed all day wearing your ‘Star Wars – Revenge of the Sit’ pajamas and find loads for your Driverless trucks. Assign robot Lumpers to the trips seamlessly with your new App. Or tap into Amazon services and deliver your small LTL packages by drone. Clear borders with your Nexus pass and pre-clearance software. Have your Driverless truck deliver containers to the container port for cranes to load onto auto-navigation freighters – all tracked by satellite. Become a freight industry business magnate, do it all from your home, so you can continue to enjoy your life from the basement of your parents’ home.?”
Wow, does that ever look good. I think this makes a lot sense.
I won’t have to go into the office today and listen to that new President drone on about vision, mission, strategy and culture. Mission–schmission, who cares? I can just work on my Android today from my bed.
I can play with my Xbox ‘Load a Truck’ game for maximizing LTL loads. Love it.
I can hear my mom and dad at their dinner party tonight with the Schmuck’s down the street.
“So what is Joel doing these days?” they will ask in that ‘fake-being-interested’ tone. Asking only because they want to tell my mom and did about their kid, Ayden, who is going to college taking some pre-med, pre-law, pre- pre–frickin’ brainiac course so he can show how ambitious he is. No doubt he will graduate from college and still not have kissed a girl.
And my parents will say, “Well, he is going through a bit of a difficult time.”
“But he says that he is working on a breakthrough application, something to do with freight.”
And then they will be talking about freight for the next 10 minutes struggling to make the topic exciting. Yeah, like they wanted to go out to dinner at the neighbors and talk about trucks, container ports and shrink wrap. And my dad will be dying inside, knowing that he is giving up watching the NFC playoff final game because mom booked a dinner with the Schmucks so he can eat ‘non-farmed’ salmon, quinoa salad, and, of course, a mound of kelp on the side.
Of course the Schmucks will have to pretend they are interested.
But I know, that right here in my bedroom, I am running my freight empire with no staff – all run by machines.
Yes it’s risky business no doubt, but sometimes you just have to say ‘F _ _ _ It.’
Who needs the Harvard or even the University of Illinois?
“Just put that old software on the shelf…I’ll just sit here and do it all by myself. This industry ain’t got no soul, cause my machines are gonna rock n’ roll.”
I can put on my sunglasses, dance in my underwear, jump up and down on my bed, even on Oprah’s couch, while my ‘driverless trucks’ are rolling, my drones are flying, my robots are ‘swamping.’ I can do it all with the latest cloud-based trucking software, while I send my ‘Dispatch Avatar’ to work.
‘Hi, my name is Joel. I run a billion-dollar freight transportation empire. I clear a net income of $100m a year from the basement of my parents’ house. I do this while I play Xbox all day…while some poor schmuck has to go to work!
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