American Idle

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Welcome to the 4th season of American Idle, Ladies & Gentlemen. My name is Ryan SeatRest and I am going to be your emcee for this afternoon show. And here are our 3 fantastic judges who are going to rate the driving skills of our three drivers.

Let’s give it up for Simon Scowl, Paula Abdrool and Randy TireJackson!

<insert applause here>

Our first contender is Big Earl Johnson of Allentown Pennsylvania in his 2005 Peterbuilt. Let’s watch as Big Earl puts it into gear and starts driving.

<see truck moving>

Wow…….that was quite a drive Earl.

Now let’s go to the judges.

PaulaI haven’t seen driving like that since my daddy used to drive his truck around those wine refineries in Modesto California. I need a Kleenex to wipe these tears from my eyes. Earl….Earl…….you are such      A Driver!

Simon: I can’t believe anyone would ever hire you. That was the absolute worst driving I have ever seen. First of all, you didn’t do your vehicle safety check and then you headed out on the highway and the way you missed on your gear shifting– you lost momentum and ate up valuable fuel.

RandyWell, I agree a bit with Paula, and I agree a bit with Simon…..primarily because I am the middle judge and that is my role. I can see you feel it dude. You hold the wheel so right, but man you just need some better technique.

Okay, Okay……..next up is Gerry O’Keefe of Bismarck North Dakota with his 2010 Mack truck.

Let’s watch Gerry drive.

<see truck moving>

Wow……..that was quite a drive. Paula, what do you think?

PaulaWow Gerry. I think you were really feeling it today. When I look at you there, sitting in the driver’s seat in your Mack truck……….well, well,  you just look like you are in total command. But when you backed up to the dock, were you supposed to hit it that hard?

SimonWell, Gerry. Sometimes I think you should have just remained a Lumper. You arrive at the dock and you didn’t even have a Bill of Lading for the Receiver after bumping into his dock so hard. You knocked over a couple of your skids. I just hope your company has some trucking software so they can record any of the damages you did to the cargo and to the trailer itself.

RandyDude, I can see that you are really working it. Saw some really good driving to the grocery store itself – and then some good work in backing up the trailer to the dock. But dude, it’s tough to give you high marks when you have two skids of dill pickles broken in the back.

Alright, let’s go to our final contestant, Slava Boykin and his 1998 Freightliner.

Let’s watch Slava drive.

<see truck moving>

Wow…….that was quite a drive.

Paula: Slava…..you really rose to the occasion. Not everything in life goes the way you want it, I know. But even when that DOT vehicle was chasing after you, I like the way you used your rear-view mirrors and pulled over to the side of the road. And you had all the required documentation which was good.  It’s good to know that you had that trucking software in place that would remind your dispatcher of the certifications, insurance and licensing that you required to run your load.

SimonSlava. I am not sure how long you have been driving……..whether you have been driving for yourself or ‘driving for the Man’………but when you see a sign with flashing lights that says “SCALE IS OPEN” …it might be a good idea to take that exit. 

RandyDude…you had it going really good man. But even when you are rolling good, making good time, managing your fuel effectively, when ‘the Man’ is saying you got to come in and get weighed….you have to show up.

Fantastic work there judges. I’d like to thank Big Earl, Gerry and Slava for their great driving performances today.

We now get to select the one winner who will get to go on for an all expenses trip paid to Omaha Nebraska for the national American Idle competition.

I will now open the envelope.

And the winner is 

Big Earl Johnson of Allentown Pennsylvania

Big Earl – what do you have to say about your win?
“Like… um……do you guys have a bathroom or ‘Johnny on the Spot’……….I’ve been sitting in my cab for quite a while you know.”

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